photo @wayne.marcus

Getting back to Stillness

An Essay by Dr. Irwin Jay Asher

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.

Blaise Pascal

I entitled this essay, Getting Back to Stillness, because I believe we are born in stillness and life pulls us away from a natural state of grace. That is, we have nine months of stillness inside our mother’s womb. Of course, if the mother was an alcoholic or the father was a drug addict or the family was an unwilling participant in a war zone, my hypothesis does not work.

Because of the chaotic nature of my living environment, some months ago, I started taking an hour each morning and an hour each afternoon to sit quietly. Over the years, I used my morning walk to hear what my mind was thinking. I walked quietly; no headphones. That, I realized is different. I needed absolute quiet. No thinking, if possible. No noise, if possible. Just stillness. Also, no cell phone. How many of you have I just lost? Anticipating a phone call or text message can be all-consuming. You want freedom. I want freedom from life’s stressors to create stillness as a part of my every day life.

Fifteen Minutes

I think fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes in the afternoon would be sufficient for most people. I delight in sixty minutes since I have the time and I have the need. How often have you heard: Listen to your body. Well, listen to your body. If fifteen minutes is enough, go with your body’s program.

Finding Flow

I came across a term: Finding Flow. I have no idea what it means, but I think it would mean something different to each of us. For me, when I allow stillness, my flow happens. That is, I am able to write with ease, I am able to edit with ease. I am able to deal with difficult people or situations without stress. My day flows with joy. My fingers fly across the keyboard as my novels’ characters talk to me. Try it, you’ll like it.

Energy

Energy comes to mind. I have more energy when I stop – and allow stillness to happen. Serge Benhayon says “Stillness is an energetic quality of being. It is naturally present in the heart of every human being, equally so.” He goes on to say that we might distance ourselves from stillness with caffeine or irritable reactions to an irritable life, but, stillness is there, it’s always there waiting for you and me to get back in touch. It’s like a childhood friend who has moved to Denver. Reach out and find that old friend. Allow yourself to realize how much you have missed in your day-to-day life without that particular pal. Now that’s a slogan (or a tee shirt): Make Friends with Your Stillness. 

Consistency

Every book I’ve ever read about better sleep says the same thing. Establish when you will sleep and when you will wake up. The body needs consistency. Well, the same thinking (or research) applies to stillness. Stick to a routine as best you can. Let your body know that at ten in the morning and three in the afternoon, we will stop for stillness. My friend, Amy Vetter, wrote a book, Disconnect to Connect. That’s a great idea that applies right here. Disconnect from the world for a few minutes, and watch how much deeper your connection becomes.

Why choose stillness?

Stillness allows you to be in the moment. It’s what Eckhart Tolle means when he talks about the past and future. To dwell on the past or plan for the future takes you out of the present moment. Repeating, being present in this very moment is a great goal. That’s all we have, Tolle teaches. Stillness allows you to be here and now…in the moment. As I said above, stillness is not something you have to invent; it’s where we come from.  Perhaps, I can say, it’s our natural state of being. We become so busy climbing the ladder of life; we are distracted from what feeds our soul. Stillness is our natural state of being.

The Joy Diet by Martha Beck

She suggests that we “do nothing for at least fifteen minutes each day.” And I agree with Beck’s premise that “doing nothing is the most productive activity you will ever undertake.” I was born and raised in New York City; the idea of doing nothing is anathema. It took me years of meditation practice to get to the point where I could sit quietly and understand the benefits of stillness. I learned to quiet my mind in order to be still. It’s simply about being. Challenges are put aside; competition is put aside. I learned to let go of what seemed important and just be.

Connection, redux 

You want to stay connected to your true self. What does that mean? We are so busy selling ourselves as handsome or beautiful, smart and worldly, that we lose the basics of who we really are. Do we like ourselves? Do we like the way we respond to others? Are the people in our lives feeding our soul? Are we eating too much? Why? Are we drinking too much? Why? Are we spending too much time with our gadgets? Why?

A Thought

Walk. Try to cultivate stillness when out walking for exercise. No talking. Challenge yourself to turn off the noise of traffic. I walk in a park with a lake. Around me are families celebrating birthdays. I sit on a bench, focus on the lake, and find I am in stillness. If you’re a mall person, if you enjoy shopping or looking at the new fashions, take a seat. Find stillness. If you can develop that stillness muscle, you can be still anywhere or anytime.

Intention

What a great word: intention. If you decide stillness is missing from your life, apply intention. Tell yourself the benefits. Journal the benefits. Reread the benefits. And create the intention to add stillness and its benefits to your life. Interesting, I believe if you create intention for stillness, it would give you the courage to apply intention to other important parts of your life.

Breathe

Taking slow deep breaths, as you become comfortable, will allow your body and mind to be quiet and focus on the benefits of stillness. I put one hand or both hands over my heart and breathe in through my mouth – slowly – and exhale through my mouth allowing my body to push out any negativity. The slower you breathe the more effective the process.

Soft music

Sometimes silence can be overwhelming. Too many thoughts may struggle for attention. I use the meditative music on the Insight Timer app. It’s also a great way to plan your timing. I put on sixty minutes of ambient music. The music soothes me, but I also use it as a timer. Rather than wondering if my time is up, I keep my eyes closed, and when the music stops, I know my time is up. No thinking.

Repeat calming phrases

Something Insight Timer’s teachers have taught me: Give yourself permission to love yourself. While meditating, while practicing stillness, say positive, calming phrases to yourself.

I use: I am love, I am kind; I enjoy being still; I deserve this quality time.

Where are you?

Here’s a challenge. Where are you? In your den? In your office? No problem. Picture yourself anywhere you’ve been that is calming. Many years ago I was in Mazatlan, Mexico. I sat with a friend on a stone wall that faced the Pacific Ocean. It was the most calming moment in my life. I go there as I start my practice. Can you imagine a peaceful meadow? A view of mountains?

Journal

Be ambitious, journal your thoughts after meditating and being still. Monitor your growth.

Bottom Line

The busier you choose to be the more important it is for you to practice stillness. There is no right or wrong way to practice stillness. One person may want to sit on a lounge chair, another may prefer laying on the floor: there is no right and wrong. There isn’t. Just form a plan, and reap the benefits.

The Benefits of Practicing Stillness

Get back to stillness. Find that sanctuary within. The sanctuary you can retreat to whenever you need to regroup. You gotta ask yourself what you deserve. Do you deserve dialing down the noise? Do you deserve spending quality time with yourself and your thoughts? What does your Inner Child say you deserve? See my essay on The Inner Child.

Mindfulness

       Reduce anxiety       Quiet racing thoughts       Calm the nervous system       Settle into your mind and body (a great goal)       Be in the present moment (it’s called present because it is a gift)       Stimulate your brain       Stimulate your creativity

Promote self-awareness

      Allow yourself to hear your thoughts       Your body and mind will talk to you (you need to hear the messages)      Decisions are confirmed or questioned      Should you be spending money on … ?      Find meaningful answers!

Say goodbye to stress

      Because you are giving yourself time to process and hear what the mind and body are messaging you, you may very well
      decrease stress levels.      Science tells us that two minutes of silence is more effective in reducing stress than listening to an hour of music.      Reset button: silence allows us to rethink our decisions – leading to less stress.      And say goodbye to chaos: silence allows the mind to prioritize.

Helps with storytelling

      This one is personal for me. When I am still, and in the middle of writing a novel, my characters talk to me. Plot lines become 
       known. This, for me, is the best reward for allowing myself to spend time in silence.        Boosts creativity! Yes!

Boosts concentration

      Our modern world is distracting. Silence allows us to be alone with our thoughts and feelings – that is, if you create a space in
      which you are not anticipating a call or text.
      Practice. Practice. Practice. If you create a space and time for stillness, you can add significant psychological and mental health 
      benefits to your busy life. Stillness offers you a greater sense of peace. Good goals.

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders 

Lao Tzu

Edited by Kim Campbell