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What is the difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath:
Revenge
An Essay by Dr. Irwin Jay Asher
I am disgraced, impeach’d and baffled here,Pierced to the soul with slander’s venom’d spear,The which no balm can cure but his heart-bloodWhich breathed this poison.Richard II, Shakespeare
Definitions
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
- NPD is characterized by arrogance, entitlement, defensiveness, and an excessive need for external validation. Think: grandiosity, inflated ego, and fantasizing about power. Also, the narcissist must be made to feel exceptional; he or she must have excessive praise, and a disproportionate need for validation or attention. The Big One: Entitlement. “I am the center of attention, or else…”
Vindictive narcissism: this particular narcissist holds grudges. He or she needs a payback. They nurture resentment. When the NPD feels threatened, insecure or offended by someone, they become hostile and vindictive.. Can you identify anyone in your life with these traits? If you can, you have endured creative, consistent payback.
The Narcissist on a scale of Vengeance is an eighth grader compared to the Sociopath and the Psychopath.
Sociopath
The Sociopath on the Scale of Vengeance is a college graduate.Professionally defined as a person with persistent disregard for rules and social norms; a person who repeats violations of other people’s rights.The Sociopath has developed a charm offensive. They are irresistible at first. They sell charisma. It’s all surface. The playbook is refined to pull you in and make you want more of their time and attention. However charming, they cannot invest in what you are telling them about yourself. Life is all about them. They listen, take in your information – and use it against you if you choose not to genuflect before them. There is no empathy. If you are in the beginning stages of a relationship with a Sociopath, you will not believe me. I’ve been there, I understand. These are the signals:
• A Sociopath will experience little guilt for the harm they cause others. Does the person you’re dating say sorry when appropriate? Does he or she take responsibility?
• Sociopaths use manipulation, deceit, and controlling behavior. Gaslighting is a popular tool. (Making you see yourself through their eyes: negatively; not the lovely person you know you are.)
• They rationalize their hurtful actions.
Do you remember that voice at the other end of a marketing phone call that is asking for your credit card information? They always sound informed and reasonable. Except it’s a scam. Who wrote the script? Probably a Sociopath.
Psychopath
Now we’re talking about graduate-school-level vengeance and vindictiveness. Fasten your seat belt; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
With Narcissism and Sociopathy, one is not necessarily born with a brain dysfunction that would explain their foundation of anti-social behavior. However, the Royal Society states: Research has suggested that the areas of the brain involved in emotion-processing, empathizing and decision-making – for example amygdale, insula and ventromedial prefrontal cortex – show reduced activity in people with Psychopathic characteristics. When they see other people in distress or try to learn consequences of their actions, the Psychopath cannot muster empathy. The Royal Society is a Fellowship of many of the world’s most eminent scientists and is the oldest scientific academy in continuous existence.
So, what is being said is that the child who turns into a Psychopath was born with a brain-stumble that takes on every childhood hurt to the point that life is one continuous revengeful act after another. They experience every slight as the beginning of a new war against the person who has not shown respect or allegiance. I have found that Psychopaths demand their own group of Flying Monkeys. Think The Wizard of Oz and the Wicked Witch of the West. She sent out flying monkeys to continue her dastardly work.
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I come from the fashion industry. I did not return to graduate school until I was fifty-two. I got a Master’s and Doctorate in Family Counseling from the University of Houston. It took no time at all for me to discover that there are fashions in psychology. Today, the fashion is to call too many people Narcissists. In every day conversations, when people are upset with someone’s response of lack of … they label that person a Narcissist. Be aware, you may be excusing people with real serious unresolved childhood issues. If you see the Sociopath or Psychopath as a Narcissist, you may be simplifying a pushback that could endanger your life. Yes, endanger your life. Let’s look deeper.
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Why is understanding the difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath important?
Here’s the bottom line: Sociopaths do know the difference between right and wrong. That’s the beginning of understanding the difference between the Sociopath and the Psychopath:
The Psychopath has no sense of right or wrong. They live in their own universe wherein they have created the rules of what is right and what is wrong; they are your judge and jury. There is no superior court to bring your grievance to. You have been condemned and the Psychopath will decide your punishment. Since they have no sense of right or wrong, they can be motivated to create an environment you cannot tolerate, or, set you up to believe that suicide is the only way out. I repeat again, it is so important to understand your adversary if you are going to survive emotionally and physically.
The Psychopath will not take responsibility for the damage they do. There is no curb on the damage they cause. And they are clever. You don’t want to butt against their cleverness. They have been evil for decades. Whatever your training and experience may be; you are a novice in their world.
In my five years of graduate schooling, I do not remember the subject of Sociopaths or Psychopaths being mentioned. Well, I attended graduate school at a time when gay or lesbian issues were not allowed to be discussed. I think the university would have self-immolated if someone had asked a question about transgender rights. I have asked a fellow psychologist whether his training involved the understanding of the Sociopath or the Psychopath. His answer was no. Frightening.
In my practice, I was primarily a marriage counselor. Over twenty-six years, I can only remember one spouse who acted the part of the Sociopath. I had to find a book to read and understand the workings of a Sociopath; and so started my journey. Today, in retirement, I have been challenged by people who have all the characteristics of a Psychopath. I had to understand what I was enduring. I had a limited understanding of the Sociopath; but no awareness of the actions and reactions of a Psychopath.
At first, I thought it was something I said or had done that provoked a neighbor. That was a fool’s errand. I wasted my time. A Psychopath can pick you as a victim for any slight that you and I may not have registered. I learned, as stated above, that the Psychopath is born broken; and that brokenness is encouraged by a destructive childhood. That is, parents who were inattentive or physically abusive. A history of childhood sexual abuse is a running theme through many Psychopath’s journey to maturity.
The Sociopathic husband I worked with continues to make his ex-wife’s life a misery. He makes his children’s lives a misery. But there are boundaries. He does not deliberately find ways for his children to be physically harmed. There’s no doubt he has affected their Inner Child and they will spend decades trying to undo the emotional damage. If he had been a Psychopath, his children might be dead by now.
I’m here to say as loud as I can, if you can identify someone in your life who is a Psychopath, be warned. They are up nights trying to figure out how to damage you physically or emotionally, probably both. The Psychopath will not hesitate to run you over. The Psychopath will develop ways to make you think of them constantly. They will destroy your car, your home, and relationships with the people you care about.
Recently, on Morning Joe, MSNBC, the Reverend Al Sharpton stated that the person who needs help must declare his or her need for help. That is the first step, he said. You cannot make a Sociopath or a Psychopath attend counseling. “Why tamper with perfection?” they might say. Yes, and they see themselves as perfect. They are making the world right according to their perceptions. They determine what is right and when you do wrong.
The Sociopathic husband I worked with continues to make his ex-wife’s life a misery. He makes his children’s lives a misery. But there are boundaries. He does not deliberately find ways for his children to be physically harmed. There’s no doubt he has affected their Inner Child and they will spend decades trying to undo the emotional damage. If he had been a Psychopath, his children might be dead by now.
I’m here to say as loud as I can, if you can identify someone in your life who is a Psychopath, be warned. They are up nights trying to figure out how to damage you physically or emotionally, probably both. The Psychopath will not hesitate to run you over. The Psychopath will develop ways to make you think of them constantly. They will destroy your car, your home, and relationships with the people you care about.
Recently, on Morning Joe, MSNBC, the Reverend Al Sharpton stated that the person who needs help must declare his or her need for help. That is the first step, he said. You cannot make a Sociopath or a Psychopath attend counseling. “Why tamper with perfection?” they might say. Yes, and they see themselves as perfect. They are making the world right according to their perceptions. They determine what is right and when you do wrong.
Signs of a Vindictive Personality Disorder, VPD, (a term I have just constucted)
• If the VPD person feels his or her opinion or suggestion has been dismissed (disrespected), he or she may use excessive criticism at a moment that is most important to you. That is, embarrass you into submission. Submission meaning acknowledging that they are superior.• Here’s a big one: they keep track of those who have wronged them. They have the patience to wait for the exact moment in your life that their devilishness will have the greatest impact.• They spend hours ruminating about how someone(s) has wronged them. While you’re preparing dinner or emailing the latest report, the VPD is plotting revenge. They wake up with you on their mind, spend the day enmeshed in hate and violence, and fall asleep wondering which plan will be most hurtful.• They weaponize information, as mentioned above. They may use the information you have shared with them to blackmail, control or threaten you. They definitely use your personal stories to build a cabal against you. • Try as you might to discuss what is happening with a Psychopath, you’ll soon understand that they have no tools to work through conflict.
What are the TRIGGERS that create this rage and studied vindictiveness?
• Being challenged• Being debated• Being disagreed with• Envy• Insecurity• Being told what to do• Insisting they take responsibility• Dare to hold them accountable• Hearing criticism of their actions
Before I end this essay, there is something that must be said. Because of the behaviors mentioned above, I feel the reader might think this is a man’s problem. Not true. From my personal experience, I am here to say that women can be stellar Narcissists, Sociopaths and psychopaths.
The croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.Hamlet, Shakespeare
Edited by Kim Campbell